Transitions aren’t exactly my strength. Anxiety has often prevailed, and was again evident to me pedaling at breakneck speed to make my last class on time.
I could also hear it in my teaching voice as it came out uncharacteristically shaky. I sensed my excessive perspiration wasn’t just the yoga.
Adding to that was the grief of no longer supporting these women, some of whom have been attending my classes for over a decade. They likely have no idea what a gift they gave me by showing up and appreciating what I offered as I slowly uncovered my authentic teaching voice.
Under their loving gaze, I grew as a teacher. As I guided them to soften into the unfolding dramas in their lives, I learned to do the same.
Some of that drama included being seen in my body through my worst years of dieting and binging. I got to learn repeatedly the importance of showing up and giving my gift no matter what- week after week after week.
The reason I’m letting go (at least for now) of this foundational part of myself is that I need to make space. On Tuesday I begin grad school, another decision I circled anxiously for months before feeling solid about.
I have been doing this ‘Divine Hunger’ coaching now for 7 years, and quite honestly, it often feels like therapy, so I figured why not go the distance? I am pursuing my Masters in Psychology to become a licensed therapist.
With these decisions I find questions flooding my mind; Who will I be as a therapist versus a coach? Will I become too clinical or will this enhance the richness I offer? Who will I be if I’m not teaching yoga?
These questions have left me in a groundless, open state of mind. As the curtains of anxiety clear from my eyes though, I experience the other part of me that thrives on change and growth. This part loves the possibility of serving more people from a broader platform.
Meanwhile I am happy to report I will still be coaching and doing bodywork. But, what other changes are on the horizon?
I have come to trust a line I often heard from a beloved mentor, Marc David and that is to ‘relax into uncertainty’. So despite my shaky voice, transition clumsiness, and open ended questions, I will continue to let ‘relax into uncertainty’ be my north star.
How about you, How do you deal with transitions? What’s your north star? I would love to hear about it below.
P.S. Stay tuned, in the next blog I will introduce you to one of my clients who has much to say about her transformation with with food.